jabberwockypie

Fiction is important in trauma recovery.

Sometimes empathizing with a character, and crying for them, is the only way you know to cry for yourself. Because if what happened to them was WRONG, then it was surely wrong when it happened to you, too.

Even when the whispers of people in your past tell you that it was your fault and you deserved it and it wouldn’t have happened if you’d just done what they wanted, reading about a character who you know was only doing their best in an impossible situation, and who did not deserve to be hurt that way . . .

Sometimes loving fictional people is the first step to loving yourself.

I made meatloaf and it was SO GOOD.

Nom nom nom.

I have never made meatloaf before! It was, in fact, only after I had Flamethrower’s meatloaf in, like, August, that I found out meatloaf can be GOOD.

GUYS IT IS SO GOOD. Onion, garlic, coriander, cumin, cayenne, salt. Noms.

I’m pretty sure all of Stephen King’s kids were too old to have had any interest in Shining Time Station when it aired. *googles*

I suppose the books started coming out in the 40s, so he could have read them when he was smol.

Just like . . . the Wastelands was published in 1991 and I have to wonder if he saw those and went “That’s fucked up. Oh! Hey, I know how I can make it MORE fucked up!”

Oh! And Wiki says Stephen King’s daughter is gay. Neat!

Sometimes something epic happens when I'm reading The Dark Tower and I really just feel robbed of the fact that Idris Elba didn't do the thing on screen, and that they're being stupid and rebooting the movie/tv adaptations.

In this case, something that happens at the end of the Wastelands. (I do not think "the protagonist does something awesome" is a spoiler?)

I WANT TO SEE IDRIS ELBA DO THE THING.

I'm onto Wizard & Glass now.

Stupid murder-wizard.

I also went through Tumblr last night and crossposted my Ariadne Reads Stephen King stuff here, because reasons

I do not understand how in frigging FLORIDA, where there is an asston of sunshine most of the time, my mood still tanks when it's overcast like this.

Thunderstorms are fine! I love thunderstorms and they make me happy. Gloomy blah overcast blah where the entire sky is gray-white-blah? Nope.

It's not as bad as Michigan or Maine, because there's generally not more than a couple of days like this in a row instead of like six months, but it's still all very . . . terrible.

I have an odd talent for picking something to read or watch at random, and whatever it is happens to be very very thematically relevant to my life, with odd echoes of whatever issues I’m having, appearing throughout. Sometimes this is really helpful for processing feelings and stuff!

I can have every intention of reading a thing for a year, knowing very little about it, and then when I finally do, it turns out that it’s talking about a thing that happened yesterday.

However, this is the first time I’ve been called the fuck out by a sex scene. WTF.

I feel like hammered shit today. I expected it, considering everything that has been going on, but . . . ugh.

Both of the kittens here - 2-month-old Mounds and 10-month-old KitKat - have decided that having a human around all day is awesome (their humans, Anthony and Kimberli, both work all day), and also my bed is very interesting. They have been snuggling and occasionally nomming on my toes.

But yes, very much feeling like I got hit by a truck, put back together, hit by a truck again, put back together again, and hit by another truck.

I am in bed with tea and Netflix though.

I have moved! I am safe! I am away from Mark the Asshole!

I am also a fucking badass and I almost can’t believe I pulled this off:

So, given that Mark had been waving around 5 $100 bills and loudly telling Monica that he was going to keep my security deposit because of the rats - which is illegal - and the fact that I hadn’t cleaned the bathroom (because I had a broken ankle) - and he can’t charge me for cleaning of common spaces.

But I made some investigations into Small Claims Court, and it was going to take $80 to even file, and then I would have to COLLECT it - the court doesn’t do that for you. A legal judgement against someone doesn’t mean a lot when their credit is completely shot ANYWAY.

So, Mark walked in about 20 minutes before the movers finished up.

I drew myself up and acted really pleasant, but also very present and taking-no-shit and calm.

I said “Oh, hey Mark, I have your keys” and he gave me $20 for the key deposit. Really pleasant and all.

Then I said “So about the other deposit,”

Mark said “Well, I’ll do my final inspection in a while, and I have until the 15th, like it says on the lease.”

And I said “Mmm … no. I think you’re going to give me the deposit right now.”

Mark said “???” and started to interrupt.

I said “Because I know you’ve been very loudly talking about how you’re not going to give it back and how small claims won’t do anything, so my first phone call Monday morning is going to be to your probation officer, to tell him about all the drinking you’re not supposed to be doing.”

He started to interrupt.

“My second phone call is going to be to the Department of Revenue Services, to tell them about how you’re hiding the income from this place by doing it all under the table, to avoid having it garnished for child support”

He started to protest and act very offended at the implication.

“My third phone call will be to DCF to tell them how you’re lying about your income for food stamps and encouraging your tenants to lie on their food stamps.”

“That never happened, I never said that.”

“Yes, you did. The second day I was here, you told me to give a different address when I applied or you would be in trouble. You asked me to commit fraud.”

He went quiet for a minute and said “What would you consider a reasonable cleaning fee?”

I said “Mmm … No, no cleaning fee. I vacuumed most of it.”

“It’ll need to be steam-cleaned.”

I said “That’s really not my problem.”

He marched off to his room, came back to get his keys, shoved five hundred dollars at me resentfully, and said “I better not have any problem from you, because I’ll see you in court! You just threatened me.” and went on to mutter about how it’s a low-budget operation.

And I said “You won’t even have to think about me anymore”.

Also, the same problems apply to him trying to take legal action against me - there are no witnesses, I have a lease, and he doesn’t know where I live. Also he’s a convicted felon and I’m not.

Please note, I did not actually say “No, I won’t call your probation officer and these other people if you give me the money.” because he needs to STOP bringing people in there and hurting them, and he has a minor child and an ex-wife he makes threats about.

He tried to argue and say “That never happened, you’re making things up” about everything I said, but I steamrolled over him, not allowing him to bog me down in any individual point. I did not allow him to speak over me.

I didn’t lie at any point, and I feel like a fucking badass.

Then I got in the cab of the Uhaul to drive over here, and spent a few minutes going “Holy shit, I can’t believe I pulled that off”.

I am unbelievably proud of myself!

I made like . . . tasty curry stuff with chickpeas and sweet potatoes and tomatoes and onion and coconut milk and. . . things?

Like. SO MUCH of it.

It's really good.

Despite having been on Livejournal for like . . . gosh, it was well over 5 years, probably more like 8? I find I'm having a really odd WTF moment adjusting to this layout again.

I missed being able to have multiple icons, though! :D (Also this one is true.) I liked Starbuck even though BSG was very . . . Cylons Fall Everybody Dies.

Just . . . hanging out. Drinking tea, because tea. Eating a cheese sandwich. Planning to pack some more stuff in a little bit. Considering watching the last episode of She-ra again, because armor is neat.

Trying not to beat myself up about needing to spend money on groceries, but trying to find a place to move to . . . except like, I'll need food wherever I move to, too, and since I'm moving it there's no reason to feel guilty and Bad about needing it.